Foot Fetish?
Another set of visitors in the hospital was my nephew Cody and his girlfriend Kaelynn. How that came to be goes like this: I'm not sure if it was still the effects of chemo or if it was due to the anesthesia from surgery, but in the days following the procedure my feet ached horribly. I was tempted to ask my nurse to massage them. When the hospitalist doctor came into my room to check on me I said, "Oh good! You're here to massage my feet, right?" It took him off guard and we had a little laugh. But I was dead serious. I was to the point of looking up and hiring a local massage therapist to come massage my feet. That's how much I needed it.
Then I remembered that my nephew Cody gives a mean foot massage and I immediately texted him: "Can you come down to Enloe room 101A and massage my feet?" Shortly afterward, my phone battery died. An hour or so later I called him from the room phone and said, "My phone died so I don't know if you texted me back or not but I'm dead serious about you coming down here to give me a foot massage." He replied, "I didn't get your text, but sure, I can do that." So later on he and Kaelynn showed up and the wonderful foot massage commenced.
In the mean time, I had been able to charge my phone and while Cody was in the act of massaging my feet, I got a text from him that said, "Sure. Who is this?" I looked at my phone, looked at Cody, then at Kaelynn, neither of whom had just sent a text. It turns out I had an old contact listing in my phone for Cody that was from when he was a teenager. The number now belongs to a stranger who was perfectly willing, despite not knowing who I was, to come and massage my feet! HA!
Honkers!
Another cell-phone related story happened when I was being examined by a Dr. Wong at Stanford. I was standing in front of him, bare from the waist up, and just as he reached up and placed his hands on my breasts, we heard a honking sound as if a child had squeezed a clown's nose. It turns out that's the alert his phone makes when he gets a text. It was too weird. We had a good laugh about it.
Chemo 7 and Jackie
Last Wednesday I went in for my penultimate chemo. I dreaded it, but it turned out to be a breeze. I slept almost the entire time. I awoke to find my ride (Rhonda Nelson) was already there and I was shocked to learn the day was over. Nice! But before I dozed I met yet another survivor who has had the same surgery I'm going to have. She is a volunteer at the infusion center and she is only 9 weeks post reconstruction. She showed me her new breasts (in a private room) and I was able to see scars in the process of healing and so forth. It seems odd to think she is willing to show her breasts to a practical stranger, but it is so helpful and hopeful for me. Nicole also showed me her breasts within minutes of meeting me. It makes me stop to consider if I will be that open and willing once I've got my new rack.
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| Sweet, beautiful survivor: Jackie |
The Friday after my last chemo was a bad day. I was in bed all day. Saturday I was weak, but with the help of meds I was well enough to enjoy a meal out with my sister and grand-nieces, and well enough to shop at the mall with my niece. I bought some things for the kids as well as an entire outfit, accessories and shoes included, for me. I have few clothes that fit well anymore, and so I treated myself. Sunday I had a lot of pain, but enjoyed spending time with extended family anyway. Sunday night was no fun. I had quit taking one medication that I thought I didn't need anymore. It is meant to counteract the effects of neuropathy (numbness, tingling and pain) in my hands and feet. I had terrible leg pain in the night, and when I got up to walk to the bathroom, it felt like the floor was made of sharp rocks. I guess I need that medication after all. I slept very little. Here's hoping tonight will be better. Only one more time will I have to endure this. Well, as long as things go as planned, that is.
Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself . . . well, and Cancer
As I have been feeling my tumor shrink, and following its demise, so to speak, I have noticed lumpiness in other spots. I no longer have one palpable, discreet lump, but my breast feels strangely scattered when I palpate it. I'm also experiencing some significant soreness in my underarm area. I know the chemo has been working (it got rid of a plantar wart I've been battling for years!), but I am fearful that there will be more to this than expected. I am expected to finish chemo, undergo surgery, and live happily ever after. Something tells me it won't be that simple. I am very nervous about my recovery from such a major surgery, and I sense that surgery won't be the end.
Tomorrow I go down to Stanford for what they call re-staging imaging. It means they'll look at my breasts on mammogram, sonogram and MRI again and reassess what stage my cancer is in. That's of course still a clinical staging. Pathological staging can only happen during surgery. I was supposed to go down with Nicole tomorrow, but she is having an emergency root canal and can't make it. I told her I was insulted that she would literally rather have a root canal than spend a day with me. Ha! But I know the horror of tooth pain and I wish her a happy recovery from her root canal. Dave and I will drive together to Stanford tomorrow. I do hope for some answers about how chemo has been working and whether we're winning the fight against my tumor.
So Grateful for Donations
My dear husband Dave set up a way for people to donate to my Cancer Travel Fund. I am so fortunate to have most all of my medical services covered, but many trips to Stanford are necessary through this process, and my mother and other extended family members were asking how they could help to defray those costs. I believe there's a button to press on the right of your screen. If you are willing to donate (and haven't done so already), you can follow that link. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all the donations that have already come in. I'm amazed to know that distant family members, friends, remote acquaintances and even some strangers are thinking of me and are willing to give. Thank you all so much.
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