Part 1

Wow. There is WAY more to cover than can be done in one post, so I will break it into parts and blog as I recover in the next week or so before my children come back to me.

Here I am blogging, using a very cool lap desk my dear friend Suzie thoughtfully gave me.

(My lap desk is adjusted quite high because my many drains need clearance.
I could adjust the camera, but I'm digging this pic a la bad tourist photo.)

SO. I need an outline:

PART 1
Galleria Birthday Weekend
Pre-Surgical Consultation

PART 2
Tahoe
Fresno
Monterey

PART 3
Boob Party, Nerves and Blessing
Pre-surgical Body Art
Surgery & Hospital

PART 4
Home, Drains etc.
Kids' Awesome Summer

Let's Get This Party Started!

PART 1
Galleria Birthday Weekend
My niece Courtney had her 16th birthday and invited my daughter Sierra to go with her and my sister to the Galleria mall in Roseville. I went with. I was ickefied from chemo, but threw caution to the wind and did this:

I paid for three minutes, and only made it for two. But it was very fun. These are the things that having cancer makes you do.

Pre-Surgical Consultation (if you say this in an East Indian accent, it's much more fun)
For this trip I was on my own. I brought Sophie with me and we stayed with my niece Jill and her family in Concord the night before my busy day of appointments. Jill watched Sophie for me.

If I had sat down to blog shortly after that day, this would have taken up a post unto itself and it would've been hilarious. You're just going to have to trust me on that. But hemorrhoidal flareups (again, more fun when pronounced in the East Indian accent) being what they are, sitting down to blog was not appealing to me for quite some time.

We'll do it in pictures, shall we?

First, the walk to the room one of my appointments was in was incredibly long. At the entrance I told them where I needed to go and they said, "Down that corridor until you get to the E elevators." I soon realized that meant I had to pass the A-D elevators first. At a certain point, I saw this Segue against the wall and seriously considered commandeering it for my purposes.

 

The experience reminded me of this deleted scene from The Pink Panther. Start at :33 seconds and end at 3:15.
 

So I finally got to my appointment room and then waited.

Here is a selfie of me as I wait.

I continue to wait, so here is a selfie of my patriotic pedicure.

The waiting continues, so I begin to explore the room. Here we have the screen savers that cycled around on the computer used by doctors and nurses. I was impressed that the proverbial 'management' was keen to tutor its workers on bedside manner.

 But then I saw this one:

WTFlip?! Who does this?

I had a lot of fun imagining possible updates and tweets that would violate this aspect of bedside manner--especially considering this is a breast oncology center exam room.

"Check out the tumors on this lady!"

"Get a load of these malignant jugs!"

I will let you add your humorous possibilities in the comments section below!